Continuous Preparation 

This weekend is the second to last that we will be in town prior to our retrieval and transfer. That means that we’ve been trying to get a bunch done here at the house that gets neglected during the week. Today, I am focusing on the amazon that is our yard. Our area received a great deal of rain this past week and the yard has grown accordingly. We have fairly large yards so this will consume most of my afternoon. 

We spent this morning deciding on a hotel for our stay in Dallas. Depending on when the retrieval actually takes place, we may be there up to 11 nights total.  Taking this into consideration, we wanted to find a hotel that was a bit more than a place to sleep. We thought it would be smart to find a room with a fridge and microwave to cut down on meal expenses and to ensure that our meds stay refrigerated.  Another important thing to us was that it have a sitting area so that we don’t spend the whole trip in bed. 

We found a hotel with “suites” that had everything on our list at a reasonable price. The hotel also has free breakfast which will save us time and effort in the mornings. They also have an evening snack/meal available for free during the week so we’ll likely check that out before deciding whether or not to venture out for dinner. 

A pool table is available as well which will help us pass time. They offer a basketball court and I love to play but I’ve been told not to engage in more than walking once I start my stims so maybe I can play a bit after the retrival if I’m allowed.

We have all medications in our hands now after we picked up T’s Estrogen patches and pills yesterday. If I remember correctly, these are to help build up her lining but don’t quote me on that. I have way to much information about this process to be sure of what each medication does.

Our last order of business is to order our vial of sperm that will be combined with my eggs to hopefully become our future child(ren). We’ll probably get that ordered tonight or tomorrow and float through the week until next weekend when I begin the stims.

Here’s to an uneventful week ahead!

Timehop

Timehop is an app on my phone that syncs to various programs and reminds me of things I did, posts I made, or pictures I took on hat specific date in years past.  It’s a great app that more often than not, reminds me of beautiful moments that took place. 

Today’s timehop include pictures from our first IUI which took place exactly a year ago. At first I saw the pictures and was sad because here we are a year later and still no baby. A few moments passed and my thoughts shifted to “look at us, still persevering and trying to have this baby”.

I saw the picture of the goofy grin on my face as I posed during a selfie with T in the background laying on the exam table awaiting the procedure and it reminded me of how excited we were at the beginning. That excitement has calmed down after multiple negative pregnancy tests but I’m really looking forward to taking another goofy picture right before our retrieval and transfer procedures. I’m sure the excitement will return those days!

We aren’t quite where we want to be but we’ve taken a turn onto the highway in the right direction.  Hopefully, next year’s timehop is another reminder of how far we’ve gone.

Stims Have Arrived

I received my medications today and I was not prepared for everything I would find in the box. T’s box had quite a bit in it and when I saw the size of my box I wanted to send it back. I opened the box that contained the magic and found more than I expected. I knew most of what would be in the box but I guess it seemed like much more once it was right in front of me.


My box included:

Gonal F (shots)

Cetrotide (shots)

Menopur (solution for shots)

Pregnyl (solution for shots)

Doxycyc Mono Tabs (taken by mouth)

Q-caps that assist in mixing meds

Container to hold used needles

Syringes, needles, and alcohol pads

Seriously, I almost lost my lunch as I unpacked the box.  Again, I’m not terrified of needles or shots but I really don’t like taking medication of any kind. I’m the type that worries about the side effects and ultimately decides to do without until absolutely necessary. So pumping all of this in my body has me going to an unfamiliar extreme.

When I actually stop to think about it all, I trust the process and have faith that it will all be ok. T has been putting her body through so much over the last year and a half; surely I can make it through two weeks of madness.

One more week of minimal madness and then the heavy stuff will begin! Hope all of your journeys are progressing and you’re maintaining your sanity through it all.

Dwindling Bank Accounts

Ask and you shall receive

I was just talking about how we hadn’t heard from the financial department. I found her email address in my notes and shot her a quick reminder that we were waiting to here what the damage was.

She called immediately and began to explain the cost and what it covers. 

“Our global IVF fee is $10,000” – finance lady

I took a breath and said “ok, how do we pay it?”

Thankfully, they are pretty transparent on their costs and have them displayed on their website. This helped me be prepared for the sticker shock when I actually heard the amount today. 

There is an extra cost to pay by credit card so I received the wire information and then began to fill out the online wire transfer form. I called T over to click the submit button and our hearts sank just as much as our bank account.

So far, we are at over $12,000 in expenses and this doesn’t include my medications (cost not yet known), our traveling expenses for the retrieval and transfer (~$1,800), or the anesthesiologist on retrieval day ($500). Oh, forgot about a vial of sperm and shipping ($1,100)

I’m gonna guess that we’ll end up at around $17k-18k when all is said and done…

Add in the $7k we spent on IUIs and you have what amounts to the amount of a decent new car.

Good thing we have years and years to save up for college after this!

Don’t you want our money?!

We (T) had our first monitoring appointment today. T headed to our local doctor’s office and had her blood drawn. Then she headed across the hall to wait for her sonogram appointment. I met her there and she was excited to tell me that her favorite tech had already requested to perform her sono today. We love this woman because she’s always upbeat and explains everything she sees.

We headed to the room and explained to her that we are a bit concerned because T has been on her period for 13 days now. She took a look and said that her lining was still pretty thick so she may not quite be done yet. It had been about 100 days since T’s last cycle so she and our nurse believe it may just be due to the lining being built up for so long. The tech didn’t see any polps so thankfully that doesn’t seem to be the issue.

Our nurse didn’t seem to think that this affected any of our protocol so we’re thankful to still be on track! Tonight, we reduce T’s Lupron dosage by half.

One thing we haven’t really taken care of yet is the financial aspect. We have paid for our consultations and T’s meds but our clinic’s finance department has still not made contact for payment. I’ll likely be calling today and checking to see what their total cost will be since we are paying for the local monitoring separately.

One Week Down

We are now a little bit over a week into our IVF protocol and so far it’s been pretty manageable. T has been on Lupron for a week as of tomorrow and after the first anxious night of shot-giving, the rest of the week has gone uneventful. I’m no longer anxious going into give her the shot and besides a bit of hot flashes and queziness, there haven’t been any terrible side effects.

Tomorrow she will have bloodwork and a sono to make sure all looks like it should. Tomorrow we will also reduce her dosage of Lupron to half of what she is getting now. I believe she starts estrogen pills and patches Saturday but that’s about the only changes to her protocol in the near future.

I have a week left of birth control and am ready to be off of it. I googled a bit the other night and there does seem to be a correlation between the pill I’m on and anxiety/panic. I’m hoping that it is the cause in this situation and that it will stop occurring as frequently as it has been lately. 

This week and next seem to be the calm before the storm. Next weekend I’ll begin my stims and things will surely seem to happen fast and furious after that. Hopefully there will be minimal hormonal flare ups at home!

T-minus 3 weeks (and 1-2 days) for retrieval! *fingers crossed*

Panic

This past Friday a tightness took over my chest. An uneasy feeling swept over the rest of me and I began to concentrate on my breathing. I have anxiety from time to time but it’s almost always a feeling that is warranted by something that is going on. I don’t usually have anxiety that I cannot pinpoint to an event. Friday’s anxiety was different but I figured it had everything to do with our IVF process. 

Lunch time came and I told T about it. I also told her that I read somewhere that eating helps relieve anxiety because the act of eating tells your brain that you aren’t in danger.  I have no idea if that’s actually true (probably not) but for whatever reason it seemed to help the anxiety pass that day.

Anxiety set in again this morning. This time it did not subside with food. In fact, it’s still clawing at me trying to take over. I’ll write a few sentences and then focus on my breathing hoping to quiet its roar.

Today is day 6 of birth control and right now I’m wondering if it’s the cause of these panic attacks. I’ve had moments of anxiety throughout the year and a half that we’ve been trying to conceive but never like this. Perhaps I’m in denial and am avoiding the thought of this anxiety and panic just being there. It’s likely that I’m not ok with not having an explanation and am instead grasping for straws.

Only time will tell what is causing this panic. In the meantime I’m glad that I have a counseling appointment this coming week. My counselor has an incredible ability to help me identify feelings and thoughts I didn’t know were there. 

Until then, I’ll focus on my breathing.

Side note: If all goes well…less than a month until transfer!